Jokes

Software Development Cycle

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Found new concept of Software Development Cycle in my company, please read the list below.

(Based on a true story..ha..ha…)

1.       Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

2.       Product is tested. 20 bugs are found by QA Department.

3.       Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the QA department that the other 10 aren’t really bugs.

4.       QA department finds that five of the fixes didn’t work and discovers 15 new bugs.

5.       See 3.

6.       See 4.

7.       See 5.

8.       See 8.

9.       See 7.

10.   Due to “BOS” pressure and an extremely premature product announcement based on an overly optimistic programming schedule, the product is released.

11.   Users find 137 new bugs.

12.   Original programmer, having cashed his royalty check, is nowhere to be found.

13.   Newly-assembled programming team fixes almost all of the 137 bugs, but introduce 456 new ones.

14.   Entire QA department quits.

15.   New “BOS” is brought in by board of directors. He hires programmer to redo program from scratch.

16.   Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.

17.   Back to no. 1

 

Programmer vs System Engineer

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A Programmer and System Engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The Programmer leans over to the System Engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The System Engineer just wants to sleep so he politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep. The Programmer persists and explains that it’s a real easy game. He explains, “I ask a question and if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask a question and if I don’t know the answer I’ll pay you $5.” Again the System Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.

The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, “O.K., if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5 and if I don’t know the answer I pay you $50! ” Now, that got the System Engineer’s attention, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first question, “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?” Then System Engineer doesn’t say a word and just hands the Programmer $5.

Now, its the System Engineer’s turn. He asks the Programmer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?” The Programmer looks at him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through all his references and after about an hour wakes the System Engineer and hands the Engineer $50. The System Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and tries to return to sleep.

The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, “Well what’s the answer to the question?” Without a word, the System Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep.

Windows 2000 Error Messages

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1.       Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

2.       Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

3.       Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!

4.       Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.

5.       This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

6.       Windows message “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”

7.       This is a message from God Gates “Rebooting the world. Please log off.”

8.       To “shut down” your system, type “WIN”

9.       BREAKFAST.SYS halted… Cereal port not responding.

10.   COFFEE.SYS missing… Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.

11.   File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)

12.   Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

13.   Runtime Error 6D at 417A32CF Incompetent User.

14.   Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)

15.   WinErr 16547 LPT1 not found. Use backup. (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

16.   User Error. Replace user.

17.   Windows VirusScan 1.0 – “Windows found. Remove it? (Y/N)”‘

18.   Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted. The police are on the way.

‘ID ten T’ error

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Ms. S – End user was having trouble with her computer so she called Romi, the helpdesk guy. Romi clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away Ms. S called after him, “So, what was wrong?” And he replied, “It was an ‘ID ten T’ error.” A puzzled expression ran riot over Ms.S’s face. ” ‘An ID ten T’ error? What’s that, in case I need to fix it again?” He gave her a grin. “Haven’t you ever seen an ‘ID ten T’ error before?”  Ms. S replied, “No.” “Write it down,” he said, “and I think you’ll figure it out.” . . . . . . . . . . I D 1 0 T .

The point is…don’t call Helpdesk J

Are Computers Men or Women?

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A language teacher was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counter parts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.

“House” in French, is feminine -“la maison,” “Pencil” in French, is masculine “le crayon.”

One puzzled student asked, “What gender is computer?” The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her French dictionary.

So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether “computer” should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men’s group decided that computer should definitely be of the feminine gender (“la computer”), because

1.       No one but their creator understands their internal logic

2.       The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else

3.       Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later review

4.       As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheque on accessories for it.

The women’s group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine “le computer”) because:

1.       In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on.

2.       They have a lot of data but still can’t think for themselves

3.       They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem

4.       As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer you could have gotten a better model.

Helicopter Problem

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A helicopter was flying around above Seattle yesterday when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft’s electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter’s position and course to steer to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter’s window. The pilot’s sign said “WHERE AM I?” in large letters.

People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER.”

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the “YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER” sign helped determine their position in Seatle.

The pilot responded “I knew that had to be the MICROSOFT building because, similar to their help-lines, they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer.”

Kekaguman seorang suami

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Suatu malam Nita terbangun
dan melihat suaminya sedang berdiri
disisi boks bayi mereka.

Nita belum pernah melihat
ekspresi wajah suaminya
seperti itu sebelumnya.

Kadang-kadang tersenyum sambil
menggelengkan-gelengkan kepala,
tampak kagum…,
lalu seperti terharu,
terus menarik nafas panjang dan seterusnya.

Diam-diam air mata menetes
di kedua mata Nita.
Ia tak menyangka
suaminya akan mengagumi bayi
mereka seperti itu.

Nita menghampiri suaminya,
memeluknya dan setengah memancing bertanya,

“Mas, apa sih yang Mas pikirkan?”
“ini, aku benar-benar nggak habis pikir,

boks seperti ini aja kok ya harganya sampai tiga juta !
%*#)@&^#%^#^